Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries

Ok so something has been brought to my attention this week that I find quite intriguing. I have issues. Yeah yeah you can all laugh, but really I think my childhood screwed me up more than I know. Remember that whole cult thing I grew up in? Yeah well it's starting to affect my life now. In some ways I am a complete emotional baby. I was reading something Elizabeth wrote the other day about spiritually abusive situations (you can read the article here) and I realized how much truth there is in that. Here is the list of things that are signs of unhealthy boundaries:

*Telling all
*Being sexual for others, not yourself
*Being nonsexual for others, not yourself
*Going against personal values or rights in order to please others
*Not noticing or disregarding when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
*Not noticing or disregarding when someone invades your boundaries
*Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving
*Taking as much as you can for the sake of getting
*Letting others define you
*Letting others describe your reality
*Believing others can anticipate your needs
*Believing you must anticipate others’ needs
*Practicing self-abuse (cutting yourself)
*Being deprived of food or sleep
*Being unable to separate your needs from those of others

Sound familiar? Yeah well as I realized that I'm rather inclined to trust people completely without ever blinking and it's not really a good thing. It has led to some interesting relationships and other issues. After this week I have made some new egyptian friends. Yeah yeah you can make fun of me later WHATEVER! Point being that these guys are honestly quite emotionally like myself. Everyone says Egyptian men are rather inclined to fall in love with the first person they see and honestly I'm realizing I'm quite the same way. I was never taught to say no to letting people in my life so I immediately open up to them completely. I think that that is one of the reasons now that I am so afraid of having a relationship is because I've opened up to the wrong guy so many times and I am scared of doing it again. 

Part 2 of this blog. You know those things on the internet that make fun of how girls and guys do relationships? By the end of date one the girl already knows what they are naming their kids and dog and what color their house will be. Yeah well I've discovered guys TOTALLY do the same thing. To be completely fair I've definitely already pictured the kids me and my current obsession would have, and thought about all the benefits of having another passport and stuff like that, but I think I'm going to sit back and let this one unfold on it's own.

How to shave: Italian shower edition

The shower

Trying to bend over in my shower.

If you ask any girl what the best part of winter is, any girl who answers truthfully will tell you that it is not having to shave on a daily basis. And it is the time of year where we save money on razorblades and water bills. Keeping this thought in mind please allow me to take a brief step back. I'm sure growing up you always heard that women in Europe don't shave. I am finally convinced I know why. It is bloody impossible to do in these damn European showers!!!! I have compiled photographic evidence for why this is such a dilemma.

Standing normally. Do you SEE how tiny this is?

First of my shower is in the realm 2 ft by 2 ft….for my metric friends its about 70 cm by 70 cm. If you have math issues IT'S TINY!!!! I give you proof of these issues. Ok that being said when one stands in the shower you pretty much take up the whole thing. I have attached more pictures to show you why exactly I barely fit in my shower let alone cannot bend down to shave.

The flamingo

As you will notice my head hits the doors before I can even bend all the way down to shave my ankles. And let me tell you, no one finds hairy ankles attractive. Keep that in mind girls….may come in handy someday. Right so moving right along. Me standing in my shower is difficult enough. I have to move the shower head to the size to shampoo or condition or even wash my face. The real trick is shaving in these showers though. Who needs yoga when you have legs to shave.

Trying not to die/fall out of the shower.

I have this one move I call the flamingo. One must balance their butt against one wall while wedging in with the leg not being shaved. Very carefully and without falling on one's ass (or out of the shower) one must raise the leg being shaved within reach. Now this my friends is harder than it sounds due to the fact that you have to actually sorta wedge it in there since well honestly the shower was clearly not made for hot yoga.

Claustrophobia

All I want in life is a normal shower....

Alright so now that you've almost died and probable have a cramp somewhere or really have just given up, option 2 is to open the shower doors. This is more perilous than you might think. Now there is potential for you to actually fall out of the shower. You laugh now, but I'm 6/6 on the past 6 showers I have used. (I should probably look into that) anyways. Now that we've opened the door we much once again brace and wedge while reaching forward to reach our leg. At this point if you haven't died you recollect yourself in the shower, try to stretch a little to ease up those muscles you just worked out and realize you are seriously claustrophobic. (which is obviously the best photo taking oportunity) If you have made it through this far alive you honestly deserve an award. All I can offer is skittles or wine. Maybe if we start a survivors club I'll start handing out free memberships. But this my friends is the real reason why women in Europe don't shave…..and possibly why Italians wear pants year round. 

PS Amanda pointed out a couple days ago….I'd suggest learning how to shave in your bidet. Let's be realistic, we don't even know how to use the damn thing, it might as well make itself useful.

The Italian Chronicles Continue

Right so I wrote the other day about Italian men. Let me just catch you all up on the epic disaster that was my night last night/this morning. Oh I do hope he doesn't read this, but then again I suppose I would just get another romance novel worthy text message from him apologizing for not being good enough. I'm gonna break this down by times so you get a bit of a grip on the ridiculousness of the situation.

7pm-He calls me and is like ok well I'm on my way into a meeting and I will be done around 8:30 would you like to go to dinner with me? I think about this and I'm like you know what sure, my life needs some adventure. I guess I kinda assumed that he was in Rome, stupid of me right? But never in my mind did the thought pass that he would be driving from 2 hours away to see me. So I figured that he says 8:30 let's assume it'll really be 9.

9pm-sure enough I get another call from him. Oh I'm just leaving now and on my way I will see you in one and one half hours. Uhhhh where are you exactly? Oh you're in L'Aquila? Ok so you're telling me you are going to drive 1.5-2 hours here see me and then go home? I think you're insane. No I need to see you. Ok fine whatever I do nothing with my life.

11pm-After getting massively lost and I dunno what else he finally gets to my apartment. He says he's hungry and wants to go get food. I laugh because well let's be honest it's 11pm on a Wed night in Rome and those of us who live here know that NOTHING is open. So we are driving out of my neighborhood and he is super lost so he tells me to take him to Piazza Clodio. (If my internet was working I would plot out all those points so you can see the stupidity but alas it is not really for more than text) Ok so somehow we end up at Stadio Olimpico and Foro Italico. We have literally been arguing the whole time because I am trying to get him to Clodio and he is telling me that I am going the wrong way from where I want to go. Ok FINE go your way. So he does and we end up at Stadio Olimpico. Meanwhile he is lecturing me on Roman architecture and living spaces. Awwww that's cute, it's not like I'm an archeology major in Rome or anything. Then he tries to tell me it's Foro Olimpico and Stadio Olimpico. I drew the line at that one. I've been in there, I've seen it, I know my shit dude. Ok so he decides that I obviously need a history lesson and decides to take me up to the observatory.

12am-Observatory. He calls it Monte Antennea. Don't know don't care. So we are looking over everything and still arguing over this whole Olimpico/Italico thing, and he tries to tell me that Mussolini built the modern bridge….let me think about this…NO. He built the gateway to Rome you idiot. Well I diplomatically try to explain this and he cuts me off to inform me that look you can see the olimpic village on this side of the river. Awkward moment when it's definitely across the river and that's why Mussolini built the bridge. Anyways he is still whining about food and he's like there's a bar nearby where they have good pastries and you can take a pastry while i get dinner so I'm like sure. Knowing this place is NEVER going to be open.

1230am-He finally finds this place after driving in circles. Literally this place has been closed for hours. It's not even like they're just closing, these people are done gone and at home asleep. So then we set off again cause he has an idea. Meanwhile he begins to lecture about pareole and zec and how the upper and lower classes of Rome are so divided. Somewhere in here we start a heated debate about meaning vs significance of words and how language gives words meaning blah blah blah. Heated=I'm clearly wrong because I am a woman.

1am-We end up at Ponte Milvio. (apparently pareole land) and while insulting everyone he decides to find food here. He drags me into like 5 places all of which are like uhhhh sorry we are closing. Of course they are you idiot it's 1am in Rome! ok so we once again set off cause he wants to show me his old university and he swears there's a bar that is open 24 hours a day.

130am-We find the university. All the lights are off so he pulls up against the gate and turns his brights on. Sketch anyone. Ok so we drive around someone and he shows me some more stuff and honestly at this point I don't know don't care. I'm really just humoring him. Now everyone who knows me knows that my family and friends joke about me turning into a pumpkin at 2am and let me tell you they are not wrong.

2am-FINALLY! He finds a place that is open. For future reference there are 2 bars very close to the UK Embassy near Piazza Fiume and one of them sells phenomenal pastries. Ok anyways we end up here and have pastries and a drink. And on our way back to the car I am cranky as can be and am like look I just want to go homeeeeee. So he agrees but of course he has NO idea how to get anywhere. Thank you GPS I got this. Big surprise he doesn't listen.

3am-Yes it took us an hour to get home on empty street and we drove by like 3 other things including Piazza del Popolo and uhhhh something else, I frankly didn't care at that point. I finally got home at 3 am and woke up to a really epic collection of text messages which I shall decode/show you now.

5am-I've have to say you're so beautiful I had no words to express it. I have to go back to a school of english to learn a whole dictionary to speak with you. For now it'd be enough knowing you've been fine with me tonight. I did nothing special for a truly special girl I had the opportunity spending some time with. I'm really glad I could have known a girl like you. And yes, my chances with you are hopeless. You are a girl finding a way to live everywhere. I'm a man wanting a girl to stay wherever she wanted to stay. Could we make it work? Have a nice trip in Ecuador, Malaysia, whereveryourgoing. Tell me when you'll be back. Send me a postcard if you can, I like them with real paper stamps. You've got my address. Goodnight little blonde spaz in light blue coat ( I do really like it!! )

2:30pm-*Sudan

3:30pm-Suddenly it is clear that I'm afraid to lose you and we couldn't meet anymore.  I'm going to push away these thoughts until after you came to L'Aquila, cause you'll come, won't you?

All I can say is AHHHHHHH!!!!!! Italian men are insane. I am sure updates will follow on the hilarity of this nonsense. For now look forward to tomorrows blog on the perils of shaving in Italy. Yes photos are included, not they aren't sketchy, and yes you might need to sit down for it before you fall over laughing. AKA don't read it in class or in public.

It is better to ask forgiveness than ask permission...NOT

Some of the worst moments in my life have been a product of this theory. I say this for multiple reasons. Blah this is all getting very convoluted very quickly, but I think I can piece this out well enough to make a sensible blog. Everyone hold on tight this post is gonna be a doozy and leave you wondering who the hell you really think you know. Yeah yeah we can talk about all of this over a beer later.

First off let me say I do not believe in premarital sex as a general rule. My mother has informed me that I have a very misinterpretable thought in a previous blog and I felt this needed clarification. I'm going to throw this interjection in here for those of you who don't know this about me, but I was raised extremely christian. This is however a completely different story for a different time. Let's just say it led to a very confused mess of teenage years and a couple of stupid boyfriends I very much regret.  However, I personally have worked through my issues and now can say I have a very solid stance on the subject at this point in time. No matter how much I joke about it. *realizing I should prob not do that so much* I think the bible has very specific instruction regarding fornication and adultery. For those of you who know me yeah okay maybe I'm not exactly the christian poster child, but lets be realistic, I'd much rather you be able to relate to me and talk to me and we can talk about religion at some point in time and what we really believe and I am NOT that person that is going to hit you over the head with a bible and expect you to believe what I do. I do however believe that the Christian church in the US is madly out of control and that there is a stigma placed on a girls virginity and being these pure perfect little angels and I'm sorry that isn't life or reality. I follow this other blog and I do have to say that I've had this opinion for a while, but this article did sort of contribute to my ability to put word to the subject. Okay if you think I'm psychotic after that one go ahead and read this one too. I really am not that insane I promise. Ok right so back to the point of this paragraph I just have to throw out my apologizes for making it sound like i support sleeping around and random sex etc. However right along side that I am also going to say that if you don't believe the same as me I am not sitting here freaking out and about to disown you, because that's not be and I think that's all really just a load of crap and why the Christian church has such a bad rep in the Us at this point. All I can really say at this point is 

Ok well now that we have digressed pretty much to a completely different universe let's pull back to this horrible horrible phrase that is the title of this blog. Some of my stupidest life decisions and the decisions of people I know were made based on this logic. I went through my teenage years with this logic and I never really realized how much I was hurting myself let alone everyone else around me. The first time I can think of that I applied this logic was my 10th grade year. I had just gotten my license and I was at the mall with 2 friends. They didn't have their license yet and we all wanted to go over to one of the girls houses. I said you know what its less than 2 miles why not. Ok fine I didn't get caught, nothing terrible happened, but something did happen later that made me realize what a terrible idea it really was. (Ps yes my parents did find out, I am a TERRIBLE liar and I got my car taken away for welll about a week cause the bus experiment was a mess but this is another story for another time). When I was 18 I got hit by a drunk 16 year old. I have severe spinal nerve issues and back problems at this point and when the case eventually did go to court the kids father ended up paying an extremely large amount of money out of his business because of a stupid mistake his underage son made. Honestly, I could have put my parents in the same situation and I feel really really bad about that. I'm sure I have about 8 billion examples but I can't really think of any that aren't going to piss someone off. I'm sure you're not all sitting here thinking 

My point being this: (haha that makes this sound like it's actually going to be a short paragraph doesn't it) I moved to Europe because I could. And I needed to get out of a really really bad situation back in CA. Yes every part of my moving here was an attempt to run away from the patterns that were forming again in my life. I only went back to school because it was the only way I could get a visa to stay longer than 3 months and it gave me something to do. Please note I hate loathe and despise school. I am a terrible role model children please note this. I fell in love with scuba diving and really my real passion is teaching. I adore teaching diving and kids in general. At this point in time I am finally ready to make my peace with CA.
 No I haven't. No I am not moving back in with my parents, I have every intention of finding my own job and getting my AA from a CC there. But as much fun as Europe has been I need a chance to be grounded and actually start my life. I'm sure more updates on that will follow. Also, at some point in the near future, possibly tonight, I will tell you all about my date last night. Epic fail does not even begin to describe it. I also think I might have gif addiction issues.....

Rainbows, butterflies, and Italian men

Let's play a game. Which word in the title doesn't work with the rest? Oh on this note I've discovered the back of Italian cereal boxes are a fantastic learning opportunity! Just my level of understanding. Anyways that was NOT the point of this blog but the whole which one doesn't fit thing reminded me of a great cereal box I found the other day.

Ok focusing on the real topic here. Italian men. I don't care how much they want to disagree they are a ridiculous stereotype. And on top of that they are a bloody mess. I now have an interestingly hilarious collection of Italian men and the stories that go with them.
Background info or a couple of these stories: So I made the interesting decision to do my instructor course in Rome. There is only one person at the dive shop that speaks decent english so pretty much all of the course was done in Italian. That being said, I have learned Italian pretty well due to all this and met many interesting people. For practical reasons I am just going to use the first letter of all their names in this article.

The story of the love of my life. Ok wellllll maybe not but he's absolutely beautiful and I'm a bit infatuated. But anyways R is the most beautiful Italian I have ever met. When I first came back to Rome I went into the dive shop to figure out the details. The minute I saw him I just went speechless. I am completely incapable of speaking Italian when he is around. Well this progressed, he started asking G about how my courses were doing and everything else about me and of course I made a point of finding out everything about him. Well we have this mutual friend who is a course director (also Italian) and stops by the shop occasionally. Well this whole tragic story would have been slightly less tragic if not for this friend. Basically, every time he comes by or every time I talk to him he has some new rude comment to make. I think I've been pushed into a back room with R once by him, and I've had all manner of interesting things said to me. Anyways, R has decided he's not interested because I don't speak Italian and one time when I brought Amanda in there actually proceeded to ignore us the entire time...RUDE! Anyways, upon my return from my most recent adventure to the US I went into the shop to pick up some things for my trip to Sudan (OH MY GOD I'M SO EXCITED) and he was in there. So I'm leaning over the counter talking to G and P in Italian and completely ignoring his stupid self and he up and decides that he needs to be in the middle of this conversation. So he plops himself down at the counter right next to me as close as he can possibly get and tries to get in on this conversation. So of course I did what any intelligent person would do and started hitting on his best friend when he showed up.

Ok Italian number 2 I met at a bus stop. I realize this sounds sketchy, but when I have a glass of wine or 2 I speak Italian quite well. Or maybe I just dont notice how terribly I speak it. Anyways, (the following conversation has been translated into English for your convenience) I was standing at this bus stop and this man asks me if the 913 has gone by yet. I say no I'm waiting for it too. We start talking and he asks the normal questions, where are you from, how long have you lived in Rome, how long are you staying for. Along with the necessary compliments; oh your Italian is so good (I knew he was lying), you are so beautiful (I'll take it), and other niceties. Well this all got interesting when he asked for my phone number or email address. I have a shit little burner phone at the moment due to the fact that I errmmm "misplaced" my iphone. So I was like why the hell not, and gave him my number. He starts messaging me and we agree to get drinks the following week. Well we end up having to reschedule twice cause of him and I finally just was like oh screw this. So then I get this dramatic message from him saying that if I am going to be that way then he has no reason to talk to me and blah blah blah honestly I didn't really care about the rest. But my question is uhmmm how is this my fault?

Right so the real jewel in this bunch is Italian number 3. I did save the best for last. I met F in Malta. I was there for a couple days diving with a friend and due to the fact that he needed to take the group and I more or less speak Italian it just sorta worked. Don't get me wrong, they were a lovely group of guys, it just gets funny. Ok so 4 of the 5 add me on facebook while we are all in Malta. I'm like sure whatever I have most of my divers on there. Ok so this one other guy doesn't add me. Well I'm back in CA and on my way to Las Vegas when I get a real gem of an email. I actually had to pull over and read it I was laughing so hard. Basically he's in love with me and proceeded to explain everything I do that he's so in love with and finishes the email with "Mail meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee plz!!!! I need to know if you do really exist or if I dreamed of you like Alice did with the Cheshire Cat. " Ok right so let's assume that that wasn't tragic enough, he discovers that I have imessage. So we've been messaging since January really and just so everyone knows he already has the names of our kids figured out. I am SO glad that he has this sorted, I would hate to have to deal with that on my own.So he's also managed to stalk down my username on scubaboard (online forum for diving) and my twitter (kinda forgot I had that) and something else that I can't remember. Right so we have literally fought over everything on the planet at this point including how old I am. Cause you know god forbid I would ever actually know how old I am. He is constantly telling me that he has feeling for me, but then tells me I'm too young to understand. I was saying my favorite movie was Gone With the Wind and he told me that I am a product of a technology generation and too young to ever understand slavery, etc etc etc. And honestly this just gets progressively stupider. So then the most recent one is he decided that I hate him and don't want to speak to him anymore. Please note I have NEVER said anything of the sort. No matter how much he annoys the hell out of me I am actually quite intrigued. As one of my friends has pointed out he would never last a weekend with me, but I'm still intrigued. So his latest one is to send me the Foo Fighters video "I should have known" I don't know if any of you know that song, but really a summary is: I love you but you don't want me and my heart is breaking and I feel bad or myself and I should have known better than to ever fall in love with you so I'm going to feel bad for myself for the entire 5 minute duration of this song. So anyways my response was lovely and how are you doing today? At which point I think he almost died of shock that I was still talking to him and instead of answering my question his response was "we are talking? did i send you the right link?" facepalm! yes we are talking why would we not be. He then proceeds to send me line by line the first couple lines of the song. My response was I can google lyrics all by myself and have and something along the lines of "here's the problem. you dont know what you want. either you like me or you dont. and everytime we speak you give me 500 reasons why you shouldnt. so let me know when you figure it out. cause honestly this is exasperating." Which then launched him into how much he loves me and my directness. I'm done here. I think I'm going to start pulling the emails from an asshole approach. Honestly this cannot get much more tragic.

Well I may have just fried your brain with a whole bunch of crap you couldn't care less about, if you read this far, maybe you do love me. Right and on that note I'm going to end this sad narrative. Maybe I should have submitted this for my job application story? Yeah no that would have been a bad idea. Hmmm debating adding a picture collage so you have faces that go with this, but I feel like the whole talking about them and showing them is a different issue. Here's a gif to explain the title at least. It's from Horton Hears a Who. I'm a little obsessed.

And now that I have probably blown your mind, I will go clean my kitchen. Tally for the day: I've lit my oven on fire, broken a glass and a dish, and spilled a gallon of water on the floor. Cooking lesson tonight! And by that I mean I'll be dealing with things I need internet to deal with and having a lovely glass of wine while laughing at idiot study abroads. Cheers to that!

Holy Buses and Hula Hoops

American University of Rome

My apartment

Ok so I have this logic that you cannot get a disease from holy buses. For this to make sense to well frankly anyone but me and Amanda, a back story is required. First off I just have to point out that I live up by the Vatican and really quite far from where my university is located. I shall include pictures for reference. Secondly, you are probably asking yourself what the hell a holy bus is. Well, there are about 20 or so buses that run to/near the Vatican only on Holy Days. They are really the quickest way to get from Amanda's house or really anywhere in Rome to my house if you are lucky enough to be trying to get here on a Sunday or really any other Holy Day. That being said they are honestly the most disgusting busses there are. They have dirty fabric seats, the rails are sticky, the buses squeak and really over all it's just frightening. Ok and now for part three, which may sound a bit racist, but I promise you it is purely factual and not at all meant to be insulting (Hint:when people say that it usually means that it's going to offend someone). I live in Philippino land, Rome. There are 3 reasons for this; the Vatican is nearby, the farther from the city center you get the cheaper apartments get (genius right), and I live right by the Philippine Embassy. That being said they are usually pretty poor and quite shady and the men travel in little sketchy packs.

Ok all that being said, Amanda took a holy bus to get to my apartment today. She texts me halfway through convinced that she is going to get some disease from the bus. I informed her that it wasn't possible because it was a holy bus and they're totally immune from diseases. Yeah I know that sounds super stupid, but dont worry guys I have an explanation and its a good one too....well as good as it can get, I am blonde after all. But I digress, if you have ever been on these buses you will notice that everyone has a rosary or a crucifix and a staple of this pilgrimage is the bottle of holy water. See this all means very little to most of you, but the bottles for holy water they sell in Rome are either a)glass or b)super flimsy cheap plastic. By my logic, some percentage of these have to leak all over the bus. So clearly that combined with the amount of prayers being said on those buses equal a holy bus (literally). Therefore, one is immune from frightening diseases while riding them. Me and Amanda have discussed testing this theory by licking the floor, but we have a sad lack of volunteers and I wouldn't want to submit an animal to that fate should I prove to be wrong. Can animals get AIDS?

As for the hula hoops? It's called alliteration, oh that and I brought my 2 hula hoops with me from CA. Don't laugh it's great exercise, really works those stomach muscles and it's totally fun. For those of you sitting at home giggling and thinking of me with a pink little kiddie hoop, that is not what these are. These are legit balanced hula hoops and actually stupidly expensive.

I realize that this was all so much less interesting than alluded, but well, I'm just amusing myself writing again. As for tomorrow [dramatic pause] it's always another day. Yes that's from Gone With the Wind, I couldn't resist, but I already have tomorrows post all planned out. I'm not in a very sharing mood right now though, so I'll let you all dream of the cynicism I have planned.

A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections

The secret to me is that I'm a mess. I drink wine. Frequently. And I prefer to drink it with a straw. Don't laugh. However, I hate going out and getting smashed and staying out super late in bars. I have days where it takes the equivalent amount of energy as running a marathon to get me out of bed and to the bathroom to pee. I have crazy dreams and goals and have no idea how to accomplish them. I will try to conquer any problem I am faced with and will beat myself up until I find a solution. I genuinely dislike people and find myself wishing that a majority of the world would disappear. I have an extremely low bullshit and stupidity tolerance. I trust people too easily and fall in love to quickly. I become attached to people. I love food, but pick up the strangest addictions. I will eat the same thing for a month and never want to eat it again. I am allergic to everything. I am impulsive and pissy and incapable of keeping my bedroom clean. I have Aspergers and fibromyalgia and because of that I have days where I really just can't function. I love Disney movies and the old musicals. Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn are a huge part of my life. All I want in life other than an adventure is a husband, a house, a dog, and a couple kids. I already know what I am naming them.

I love the life I have though. I love to laugh. I will do anything for the people I consider my friends. I love to travel and go on adventures. I am happiest underwater. I adore interacting with and meeting new people (I realize this is a bit opposite to what I said previously, but if you know me you know what I mean). I will try anything and I relish adventure and new experiences. I am constantly searching for my next adventure. I secretly dream of buying a sailboat just so that I don't have to ship my damn bags everywhere every time I move. I love children and I love to teach and intend to do something with that for the rest of my life. I have dreams of moving to Africa and teaching in an orphanage or school. I secretly miss my family and there are a few other assorted people I miss in CA. But I really miss more of my friends from around the world than anything else. I am terrified of emotional commitment.

Point of this blog. This is me, this is who I am. And I know people like to judge and people don't understand me, but all I ever am is upfront about who I am and it really bugs me when people decide to have problems without ever asking about me. So here it is. This is everything you could ever want to know about me and if I missed anything else you know all you need to do is ask. Until next time everyone and I promise Monday will bring a phenomenally funny story. I have no doubt one will present itself.

The things you leave behind when you grow up.

I know I have touched on this before and some of you know more than others, but moving 6,000 miles away really changes your priorities and makes you grow up so much faster. I frequently joke how much I hate being an adult, but it's true. I miss the days where dad paid for my bills and gas and I had no rent due every month, but at the same time I relish the independence. I choose where I am going and what I am doing and I am responsible for myself. Sure that means that when I stupidly loose my phone in a cab I have to suck it up and pay for it myself, but really that's not an everyday occurrence.

Things I do miss. I miss fighting with my brother over whether or not my feet are really on his bed when I go in his room to talk to him. I miss the blue tape line down the middle of our bathroom and TRUST me you could tell whose side was whose. I miss curling up in a ball on the couch at midnight after having a rough day and just crying and mom knew exactly how to make me feel better. Despite my complaints she is good at this sort of thing. And I miss my random adventures with dad.

Being back in CA during break actually did remind me of the things I miss. I know I say that I hate it all, but I don't. I don't think I could ever bring myself to live with my parents again, let's hope it never comes to that, but I wouldn't mind moving back there. Strangely, maybe because my 2 closest friends here are just as likely to end up somewhere else soon, but as much as I love Rome I don't really feel like anything is tying me here. Currently one friend is about to end up in London, one is headed back to Venezuela after graduating, one is headed to who knows where (apparently NOT Dubai).

Another realization I have had after living on my own and being a grown up is I am not opposed to getting married, settling down, having  kids, a family, a house, a dog. Big emphasis on the dog part, I really want my own. Anyways, I do so want that. Maybe I'm finally growing up, maybe it's how I was raised coming back to haunt me, but yeah. I don't understand how that is ever supposed to happen. Men are idiots. I just can't see this ever working out for me.

On that same note this semester my friends have developed this fascination with OkCupid. Its this free online dating site and honestly it's providing hours of amusement. I just live vicariously through them though. Freaks me out too much. In reality the thought of ever sleeping with someone I wasn't married/in a very long term relationship with scares the hell outta me. Congrats parents you managed to raise a sensible child. Well I mean I know they don't agree, but hey let's take what we can get right? I could be a prostitute to earn my college tuition.

Point of this whole blah being that things do really come at a price. Being close to your family is irreplaceable  but I wouldn't have the friends or experiences I've had. But living here there ARE people in California I miss. We will see what the next season brings. This past year has been a whole collection of interesting. Oh and if you are wondering what all the pictures are, I was having a fun flashback moment to when life was simpler, and playing with old pictures is such fun!

Single Awareness Day

Don’t get me wrong, I have been in the market for a nice BB gun for a couple years now. As we know I have my own male train wreck behind me, but honestly Valentine’s Day just exacerbates all of my relationship issues. Honestly why does a holiday exist that celebrates couples exist? I already have the burning desire to absolutely pulverize any couple that shows any public affection let alone any happy and/or codependent couple. I hate them, I hate that they are a complete detriment to society, and quite honestly most of them are just trains that will eventually wreck or potentially even drive off a cliff. Right this is the epitome of angry single women everywhere. I am clearly not angry and bitter about relationships. It's so stupid when you find out about people who cheat on their boyfriends, and I mean even the "perfect girls" in their "perfect relationships". It's stupid, really learn to appreciate what you have!!! It makes me so angry. I would kill someone at this point in my life to be in a great relationship, maybe even getting married sometime soon, and looking forward to having a family and a house and a dog. But no, instead we have people like this girl on the planet and me and my friends are sitting around drinking at a pub on a Thursday night because some idiot decided to make a whole day for couples. So cheers to all my single friends and cheers to my friends in relationships who aren't rubbing it in everyone else's face. If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting here with a glass of wine hating the universe....and Hallmark.

Great Aspirations

It has been suggested that I write a book. And in reality I'm way too lazy to make that happen, but I am capable of blogging so I'll do what I can. Not like anyone reads this anyways, and what the hell maybe I'll make it into a book someday. Prepare yourself for greatness though! I'm also so done apologizing for my sense of humor or what I've done in my life or the choices I make. So well hang it there everyone, or feel free to leave....not like anyone reads this.

Pine Hollow

Guys I miss our house. I realize this sounds sketch, but I dont miss home, or my family, or anything from CA really, but I really really miss that house. So many memories were made in that room and the handprints and button tree provided many many laughs. I'm sad to see it go. Sigh well all good things must come to an endI suppose...